Friday, November 4, 2016

So Now this Screwy Alien Wants Your Family Shot Dead Because You Voted

Thanks! Now This Creepy Maniac Packs a Flame-thrower in One Tiny Hand & an Axe in the Other!

The only sweet spot around this train wreck you've created is the indisputable fact that if he's elected President, he's going to debase and humiliate your family first, because you'll be the first in line; with a little bit of luck, that old alien's going to make you watch him so you'll understand the true value of your blatant and irresponsible stupidity. 


Step 5 in my "5-Step Program to Make America Great Again" is exactly what America is giving me to rule over them. I get incredibly, even grossly, wealthier. I'm given the opportunity to expand my power, my wealth, my personality, and my basic Trumpness to the rest of the world, and I won't have to be publicly subservient to the federal cattle cage to do it. That means my taxes disappear, my legal pains disappear, and my choices grow to such an expansive degree that laws will become fundamentally non-existent for me and for those I decide should grow with me. Because that's what America is all about. I won't have to worry about offering up a few friendly little confessions on some Billy Bush bus trip to Nowheresville, and I won't have to worry about 12 screwy dame prostitutes who have the balls to attempt to break my campaign. I'll just reach out and grab some pussy, and I'll do it during a goddamn press conference if I want to. And the entire planet will know that I'm the most powerful creature in the world, and wherever I choose to piss will become marked as my territory, just like the women I take to my bed. And I promise you folks, I can piss a bucket full whenever I want, because I have a great Trump bladder that pushes piss out of a great Trump dick. And things will always be great for me, and America will always be great, because I will always be great. You want to make America great again, you need to understand that where Trump's greatness goes, America follows. It's the same formula that Caesar used in ancient Rome. It's the same formula that the Czars Ivan the Terrible and Peter the Great used. It's the same formula used by every effective ruler this planet has ever been witness to. And it works! When they were great, the nations they ruled became great. Everything became better than it was, and that's a conclusion that simply can't be denied; it's history. Look, I know more than anybody else that there's a limit to what money can buy, but those with money never see that limit, because it is such a high bar to get over that it might as well be nonexistent. It's beautiful, right? So ... Remember everything folks! What Trump gets, the rest of the country gets. That's right: everything. Remember it. 'Cause it might go bye-bye. You never know, right? Right. You can never know.

Good job America! Thanks a lot Republicans. Now he's gonna stick around forever like some freaky kind of iodine-flavored gum outta Venezuela that was originally an STD. This man is an unholy cross breed alien equipped with an experimental personality that incorporates vegetable proteins, a process that leads inexorably to a narcissistic personality disorder entwined within severe paranoia and all the qualities and all the perverse, reckless  permissiveness of a lonely, schizophrenic, alligator-like mind set that's so far above and beyond what we're used to dealing with that he easily qualifies as a unique and very violent eggplant. An eggplant full of bile and acid. He's gonna eat everything in your refrigerator and in your freezer except for those funky little no-stick popsicles, because no one eats those things when it's so cold outside, what with winter coming on, and that means those things are gonna stink up your freezer until next June.  He'll eat or toss out everything in your cabinets except for some old brown sugar that's been damp-clumped like horse manure and that nasty little macaroni that nobody except your insane cousin Rita is ever going to eat, and even she's not gonna swallow it. The stuff tends to stay hard even after boiling it so much that any other pasta derivative would turn into glue. Rita, however, likes to pull it out of her mouth all wet and just barely starting to gel up on the corners a bit and then toss it at school buses to see if any are gonna stick to the windows. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't but they're always nasty with a tangy flavor of old sheep that doesn't give a damn where it's gonna lie down to nap except it's going to be somewhere in that old field back of the house with the gopher problem.   

The thing that bothers folks the most about you Republicans is the fact that this ridiculous candidate of yours has kidnapped and is torturing to death a Republican Party that used to have brains enough to see the shit storm heading our way. Maybe you guys see this one as well, but the fact that you publicly agree that a Trump Administration would be an unheard of disaster for America yet continue to provide support and experience to that Trump campaign suggests that you're stuck in an infinite loop wrapped up in the unexpected calamity of Stockholm Syndrome, and there has to be some kind of explanation to work through this pathetic handicap. For God's sake, find yourself a psychologist and try to fix those problems you've got before casting a vote for that obscene little prick and thereby saddling the rest of the country with four years of your bad choices

I don't want to say for the record that Republicans are stupid; that's such a rude generality and fixes no responsibility for those same bad choices you continue to hide behind. It's like poking fun at someone who has a mental defect that he or she can't overcome -- the sort of thing that men like Donald Trump find so wonderfully amusing. I can't deny, however, that you Republicans are incredibly ignorant of the situation we find ourselves currently victimized by, and that, I assure you, is truly the fault of other Republicans. You people would prefer to see your own children grow up to be the same flighty, inconsiderate, and easily manipulated fools that you are, and to ensure that, you have crippled your education systems, you have laid waste to your libraries, making them casualties of war, you have defeated your schools, and you have made your textbooks into plowshares of semi-cretinous dispute, all so your children can learn more about Adam and Eve than any paleolithic hominids anywhere on this planet, the only exceptions to this prisoners' rule being the sad and lonely cases represented by Bigfoot, Sasquatch, the Yeti, and the Abominable Fucking Snowman. You prefer to ignore the illumination that is all around you so you can teach your children that a rainbow is not an effect of such illumination in damp sunlight, but a contract between Man and God that guarantees a world-wide flood will never be used to destroy all life on earth! The dumbing down of America is your fault, because you seem to believe that "Duck Dynasty" represents a more effective education than PBS. The ignorance that America uses to justify obvious stupidity is a sin that Republicans will bear for all eternity. Even worse ... they're just fine with that. It gives them the freedom to wipe out any community anywhere in the world that doesn't accept their narrow minded approach to immortality, and that's a big problem.

Just about anyone would grasp with the hooked claws of ancient crones at the mere chance for immortality. Republicans, however, are certain that the only means allowable are those honed by slaves to Christianity, and the only true Christians, apparently, are Republicans, which means they get to decide who goes to Hell and who should be treated as if they are already there, a sad case of contemptuous frivolity that damns all men excepting those who are like-minded enough to advance the power of a man most Republicans have already condemned, but will happily resurrect and place at the head of this great nation for only one sad and disgusting reason: they would prefer advancing the odds of their nation's demise before they would vote for a woman who has mishandled her FUCKING, GOD-GIVEN EMAIL!!! It's such a petty almost harmless reason that you guys are trying to use in an effort to convince the world that Hillary Clinton is the new antichrist!

It's just email, you insulting, credulous bores! It's not like she's conspiring with a foreign nation to degrade, debase, and furiously injure the democracy we've built in this nation. Only the Republican Party pulls treasonous shit like that. It's ridiculous. It's shameful. And this fear of yours that prevents you from improving the world around you, and that influences your decisions to reject honesty, fair play, and the forthright governance of a nation that is already great is nothing short of sickening and embarrassing cowardice. If you still consider yourselves American, you should be deeply ashamed, because you've become a Party of criminals and thugs. Your primary tactics involve frightening people to prevent them from voting; making it difficult for the people you oppose to vote; using blatantly illegal methods to cheat yourselves to victory when that is the only way you can possibly bring about the election results that you prefer. You're not Americans. You're nothing but a crowded bar full of fucking animals who have determined that their pathetic, diseased candidate is a better animal than the human woman he is running against -- a woman who mishandled her email!! The fact that you believe this crappy little denouement is going to eventually turn wham and bam into an actual indictment would be hilarious if it wasn't for the fact that you pissants believe it to be true!

The plain fact is that most people in government know very little about how best to preserve and manage email records. The brouhaha raised by you irresponsible Republicans has forced the matter into debate and resulted in new procedures throughout the government to ensure these records are properly maintained.  It's a function of archival application that is not very well understood at all levels. To try and turn this matter into a means of denigration by coloring it with criminal content is simply stupid. There's no other word for it -- it's a pathetic, useless, and ultimately dishonest attempt to suggest criminality where criminality has never had reason to go. This failure of leadership, however, is a failure shared by the Republican Party. Ask yourself why, after all the years of email use and the establishment of America's archival needs, President Obama is the first President to demand an accessible, automated, electronic method be provided for the classification and retention of email records. George W. Bush certainly never gave such an order, which is one of the reasons that it was so easy for Wikileaks to release nearly 400,000 documents detailing how poorly America prosecuted that insane party in Iraq. This was the largest criminal leak of classified files in world history, and not one of you clowns thought to reassess our electronic files protocol to prevent it from happening again. You decided the next President would have to do it, because Republicans simply don't know how to govern, while placing the needs of the party above the needs of the nation. This is a practice well-honed in Communist nations, as any half-witted historian could tell you, but before now, it has been anathema to American democracy! But then you guys suddenly felt inspired by the grief of a losing team. 

The whole world is now aware that the Republican Party protects its own interests before those interests of our nation. We know this is an absolute fact, because the Republican Party are co-conspirators with the government of Russia to win the current election, a fact well-known, because some of you -- such as Rudy Giuliani -- have actually been crowing over this small matter of treason on nationwide television! You are such pathetic losers that you have become willing agents of a foreign nation! You should probably just shut up and think about that for a couple of decades, because as you stand now, you are the ugliest of Americans in our shared history, even past the extent of our darkest nightmares.

Before President Obama's mandate, email records were defined as government files on the basis of content alone. Personal records and conversations that did not have a standard government use were not considered to be government records, and those that were considered to be government records could be retained by printing out a hard copy of the document and putting it into document storage. What was considered a government document due to content was very often determined by the classification of the file, which still requires markings indicating the classification at the top of the file. And at that time, very few government employees -- both Republican and Democrat -- determined classification by reading the entire document; it simply takes too much time when you have thousands of such documents. How long does it take you to read a single page? Now multiply that by tens of thousands. And the FBI admitted outright that many of the documents Secretary Clinton failed to pass into archival hands were not properly marked. And those that were marked are remarkably easy to push aside for someone who is busy trying to be an effective Secretary of State -- which she was.

Was it a violation of protocol? Yes. Absolutely. Was it a crime? Hell, no -- it never even came close to being a crime, because a crime doesn't exist without criminal intent This is precisely why the FBI insisted that there could be no prosecution. It would be interesting to look at the records of Republican Congressmen during the same period to see how many of their records were also treated improperly, but not one of you cretins has ever suggested that such a tactical approach be adopted. And yet, you believe you possess the ability to make a balanced decision and to reach a fair conclusion even though you know absolutely nothing about either side of the argument! The arrogance and the putrid insistence that you understand anything when the opposite is so plain and clear is so beyond what your political Party used to believe that today even the worst slanders imagineable have become typical tools of your oppressive nature as Americans.

This isn't at all surprising. The Republican Party has always tried to color its opponents with such disrepute because doing so takes the nation's focus off of its own tactical practice of government -- a practice that puts party above the needs of the nation. The Republican Congress during the past 8-years has not had a better America among its goals. Its only goal was to prevent anything that President Obama wanted to accomplish from even being debated. As a result, they have gone down in history as the most unaccomplished Congress ever. You never wanted to govern. You wanted to prevent government, because a black President was living in the White House!  And yet, without any assistance from Congress at all, President Obama still managed to repair the disaster our economy had become in the hands of a Republican President! Today the economy is far better than it was in the hands of President George W. Bush, and the number of jobs created has been rising steadily for 8-years! 

You never even noticed, did you? You certainly never discussed it. You complain about illegal aliens, yet you repeatedly fail to even debate the issue on the Congressional floor. If illegal aliens bother you so much, why haven't you attempted to legislate the issue as a proper government should? You complain about amnesty, something Ronald Reagan supported, but you don't introduce any ideas of your own, or suggest ways to fix the problem. You have to discuss an issue in Congress before you can create a law to control it, but the Republicans have refused outright to discuss anything except how best to foil the evil machinations of a Democrat President. Frankly, it's disgusting and irresponsible policy to do nothing just in case something the President wants to implement squeaks through your fat little greasy fingers. 

If you want to know why the economy isn't as robust as you'd like to see it, take a close look at what your fucking Republican Congress has managed to accomplish since the people of this nation elected President Obama! You've accomplished nothing, because you have tried to do nothing except to prevent government from functioning.  Now you're unhappy with the state of the nation? You're the cause of the state of the nation! And yet, even without any consideration at all from the Republican Congress, Democrats still managed to take us out of the worst economic crisis this country has been the victim of since the Great Depression! And a lot more could have been accomplished if Republicans had wanted to do something more than complain and whine about the black man in the White House! The way you center blame on people who have had the guts and the moral desire to manage a responsive American leadership is frankly sickening! You want to blame somebody for the ugliness that's now become typical of your Party, try looking at your fucking Party! Improvements only occur when there is a will to improve, but the only thing you arrogant little pricks have had the will to accomplish is the unity necessary to hold the entire government of the United States hostage until your hunger for another disastrous, Republican Presidency could be satisfied! Well, fuck you! There happens to be a lot of people in this country that want things to improve, that want a responsive Congress instead of another Republican aristocracy that judges its own self-worth by how little they can actually accomplish for the world and for America! And by God, if you idiots are going to continue doing absolutely nothing until you're given the power to sink this nation once again into another Great Depression or another meaningless and irresponsible war, then you are going to eventually lose everything to the Democrats, Congress included! You don't win friends or votes by sitting back and doing nothing until you get your way! That's a rule of life you idiots should have learned as children, and the fact that you didn't speaks volumes to the rest of the world, your own nation included.

You people represent a complete waste of your God-given lives, and you should consider taking off a few years so you can grow the fuck up instead of taking the rest of the world down with you. You're a bunch of pathetic whining little bitches who have dedicated yourselves to stealing all of the toys that don't even belong to you and going home in a huff, weeping that if you can't play by the rules you reinvent as you go along, then nobody is going to be allowed to play. Unfortunately, you forget that this isn't a goddamn game; it's a real planet populated with real people, and there are a lot of different ways to destroy it, so you should probably get used to cooperating with all of those other people that also populate this planet -- and you should probably try to remember that it's their planet just as much as it is yours.

And guess what? Threatening to refuse the approval of Supreme Court justices until you get your way is just one more scrap of idiocy that an America government will eventually have to use when we kick your ass out of government entirely. Don't you ever wonder why children picking teams at play always pick the whiny little farts last? Because even children understand that you assholes are completely worthless.

You're right, of course; all of these qualities you seem to bestow upon each other with great pride and irritation in equal measure will generally never be brought together to serve as the best goddamn excuse available to convince other Republicans that this is why they deserve eternal damnation. This is, of course, all true, but only because Republicans seem overly confident that they're going to Heaven to celebrate the fourth of July with Jesus Christ himself! That is part of what the rest of America doesn't understand about you freaking idiots. So many of you are so stupidly blind and brainwashed that you believe you're doing something good! Your own actions and arguments have convinced the entire rest of the world (which is so much bigger than you seem to think it is) that Republicans, as we've delineated so often, are -- simply put -- not a very intelligent group of fools and troublemakers. After all, you can argue for months as to whether or not you supported the war with Iraq that the last Republican President thrust his sorry nation into, an attitude and point-of-view apparently based on the opinion that if you agreed with the policies advanced by the LAST Republican President, you are incapable of serving your nation as the NEXT Republican President. This opinion is so ingrained into your pathetic consciousness that the power-mad demagogue you are preparing yourselves to elect is willing to deny such claims of support even as recordings of himself claiming the very opposite play across the television screen beside him. And yet, you people are so stupid -- sorry, I meant ignorant -- that you still BELIEVE him!

Typically, you people wander about the nation howling an oddly cumulative chorus intended to give yourselves the courage necessary to willingly separate yourselves from the Republicans of Lincoln and even Reagan while holding those two examples of the opposing vectors of your belief in the highest of esteem. You reject the very ideal of a strong federal government which has already been paid for with the blood of an American Civil War that was championed and worshiped by that greatest of founding Republicans:  Abraham Lincoln -- the inventor of executive war powers and dictatorial federal standards that modern Republicans so strongly detest. You have become little more than strange, annoying animals united in your hatred for all things descended from the fruits of dignity and respect. 

You even go so far as to call yourselves American Christians, but nonetheless deny without the slightest measure of thought the lowest standards of health care for other Americans. That whole "do unto others" thing? Garbage. You tools of hypocrisy have twisted your denial of Reagan and Lincoln into a denial of all things intended to carry man past the threshold of his suffering and into a universe free of pain. Then you laugh and insist that pain is good for the health of a man's soul and it doesn't cost him a cent! Oh, yeah, as if you possess the knowledge and spirit necessary to adjudicate what is good for others. The American Christian of the 21st century is best known by your inherent willingness to deny others those things that grant comfort and peace to yourselves, with maybe a little to your family. Things like health care. Freedom from pain. Those conditions that enable man to step away from his own sheltered misery and do something for someone else for a change without complaining about it the next day. Something of real value. Something like health care! 

If you stopped there it would be bad enough, but you never stop anywhere. You slander others without care. You conspire with the leadership of other nations. You arrogantly demean and insult the network of alliances that we have developed and that has meant so much and worked so well and so tirelessly that we can honestly conclude that without those allies, the Cold War would still be ongoing and and would still be a threat to every nation, not just those who are members of NATO. You are even waging a pitiless war on your own wives, your mothers, your sisters, and your daughters and you do so with the insults and egregiously sorrowful attitudes you take home to your family every night you come home without first climbing into bed with your next wife, your next secretary, your next ticket to contempt.

I'm not at all surprised, just saddened. The suffering of others means nothing to you so long as your own freedom from want and desire can be defined and maintained within the structures of your own familial waste, and to Hell with the rest of the nation! Why should you and your leadership refine any of the care that might be available for others? What point would there be to a nation of healthy men and women when the One Great Organizing Will throughout the universe, the Forever True magician you refer to as Jesus Christ, will very soon destroy the world and everything in it to bring about a thousand years of God's Kingdom of Glory and Power and Freedom from want. What good is there in universal health care when the Apocalypse grinds all men into raw grain for God's own dietary oppression? When the Rapture spins the world on a wheel and physically rips those good souls from out of the storms of your God's own intent, universal health care, by definition, becomes a waste of time and money. 

It's unfortunate for those who consider themselves to be good men of hearty Christian stock still waiting for the Rapture, that clarion call of Christ, but I have it on damn good authority that the Rapture came and went ten years ago, and not one of you self-righteous bigots of the black book even noticed it happen, because not a single man amongst your millions was considered worthy enough in God's eyes to be carried away in a blink! And yet you little crowds of self-polluting Republicans still insist that before you die, God will make Himself known and finally carry you all away to the good place, the world of warm hearths, and the sunny lands. Well that train came and went a long time ago, pal, so go home and tell your family that you have all been judged and found to be worthless. Whether you feel love for others is simply not relevant if you fail to show it. And when the enemies of everything good and pure in the world made themselves known to you silly, selfish Republicans, you stood in a line behind him waiting for your marching orders. You aren't merely sinners; you're actively empowering sin across the nation, and very likely the world! The rest of America salutes you as the greedy, irresponsible shits you have truly become under the alleged leadership of this creepy little maniac you're trying to put in the White House.

So once again, thank you! You have writ large your own damnation, and it's all very white and Christian of you, I'm sure. Whatever it is that you irresponsible and unmerciful fools are trying to do to our country needs to be parked away and allowed to die a meek and lonely death that will never in a million years be mourned by actual human beings who are trying to accomplish important things for the benefit of humanity. These are things that you cowards lack the courage and the will to even attempt to describe, not even for the sake of your own children! 

That's right. Some of us have decent and useful dreams for America, so kindly do us all a favor and hurry up and finish your one way trip to Hell, because you're taking way too much time away from an entire world's worth of Americans who still believe it's possible to effectively and fairly govern this great nation. So please take your ugly billionaires away. America doesn't want them, and the world doesn't need them. For the most part, they have proven themselves useless, just as your Party has. Kindly leave our nation alone, and quit playing with it like petulant children, because if you don't break it first, you're sure as Hell going to make it dirtier and nastier and in need of a brisk cleaning before real humans can finally use it again.

This is a Saucer Press International Publication

Sunday, October 30, 2016

You Let the Alien In, So Now You're Responsible for It!

And The Best Way To Do That, Is To Do Exactly What The Little Prick Tells You To Do . . .

You Best Go Make Him a Nice Dinner, Damn It!  For God's Sake Open a Bottle of Sherry.  It Seems Like You're Not Even Trying!!


Step 4 in my "5-Step Program to Make America Great Again" is to separate my administration from the Republican Party, the G.O.P. Yep! Republicans have proven their worth by attempting to remove me well before the Presidential campaign that I am going to win could make any headway. A weak Republican Party could never make America great again, and we've got a weak Republican Party. I, however, am not weak. When the Republican Party folds up the tents and goes home, I can create my own Trump Party which would crush the weak Republican Party, becoming thereby, its replacement. Nobody needs a wishy-washy, needlessly cautious organization of clerks and shopkeepers to run America. Clerks and shopkeepers didn't make America great. Extremely wealthy business men and world shakers made America great! As a nation, we seem to have forgotten that! None of those goddamn pencil pushers are willing to do what the world, America and the G.O.P. needs to do, and that's to attack the status quo without mercy and show a willingness to do what needs to be done, even if it's illegal or a little morally indefensible. Take for instance the whole argument of abortion. Now we all know that abortion is a necessary evil in life. Without it, the wealthy and those attempting to become the wealthy would be forced to eventually split up their fortunes among a bunch of money-hungry, beer swilling freaks of nature that would have otherwise never been given a chance to inherit the money they don't deserve, because they would have been aborted well-before their greedy little opportunistic minds could fathom such a devious way to make their immediate families wealthy at my expense. That's the whole point of knowing how to conduct a proper abortion. The fact is, Roe vs. Wade doesn't even try to make abortion seem good or evil. Roe vs. Wade is entirely a privacy issue. The Supreme Court didn't say we're gonna have to keep abortion even though it's evil. They didn't even discuss the matter! Roe vs. Wade merely says it's none of your fucking business what Rosie O'Donnell want to do with her body. If she wants to pierce her nose like a cow, she can do so. It's none of your business. If she wants to dress like a man wearing tailored suits, a matching fedora, a nice leather belt, and go and seduce other women, she can do so. It's none of your business. If she wants to be inoculated against pneumonia and take the chance of becoming autistic, which for her would be an improvement, she can do so. It's none of your business. And if she wants to stop the developing embryo in her uterus by aborting it, she can do so, because it's none of your fucking business!!  The Republicans are never going to get rid of abortion, because they are weak, and they don't like to be called nosy! The Democrats aren't going to do it, because they don't give a damn. They believe that abortion is none of your goddamn business!! But a Trump Party would get rid of it in a second, because Donald Trump, who would run that party, already knows what the rest of this stinking world seems to have forgotten: if you're rich, you can do whatever the hell you want, and that includes forcing the floozy who got pregnant because you fucked her, and because she neglected to use any birth control to abort that greedy little, life-swilling fetus inside of her. I've forced dozens of bitches to get abortions, and not only did nobody in the Republican Party ever protest my doing so, they didn't even bother to make those dozens of abortions an issue!  And do you know why? Everybody say it with me, now: IT'S NONE OF THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS!! As long as the morons in this country agree to vote for the Trump Party Candidate, I'll make abortions as illegal as you want, 'cause doing so will never, in a million years, prevent me from purchasing as many abortions as I want. Hell, I've got a staff abortionist on the payroll at Trump University right now. That will never end, just because a few American Idiots want it to. It will, however, prevent middle and lower class individuals from having abortions, so vote for Trump, and I'll do that for you. I don't mind, because I don't care. So if you vote Trump, you'll be voting to stop millions of abortions a year. True, you won't stop the hundreds of abortions per year that Donald Trump is responsible for, by why would you even give a shit? After all, it's none of your goddamn business what I do, and you apparently believe that with some fervor, 'cause not one single member of the Republican Party has ever demanded to take a look at my tax records, and I assume that it's 'cause they agree that it's really none of their damn business what I pay in taxes each year. In any case, do you think for even one moment that the Republicans would be willing to make abortion illegal merely because it's just as easy to tell people they can no longer have an abortion as it is to force them to have an abortion? Hell, no!! They are a weak party and they need to be replaced by a Trump Party! If you want to make America great again, you have to get rid of the Republican Party, because the Republican Party believes that rich folks and poor folks should be treated the same, and that's just crazy talk! So Remember the G.O.P., folks!  'Cause it's going to have to go bye-bye, if America is ever going to be great again. That's because they believe, against all the evidence placed in front of them from 1776 to now, that all men are created equal, and that's just plain stupid. An assumption like that tells me that all the money a man can make between the day of his birth and the very first of hundreds of abortions that he will ultimately be responsible for, is insignificant and does not represent a good enough reason to place them above such laws as the criminal act that abortion will ultimately become. The G.O.P. is simply far too ethical for me to allow its continued existence! That's right: The Republican Party. Remember it.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Open the Door and Let the Alien In

We've Got Another Alien Gray Squeeze Breeze!!

But Don't Worry Yourself  Too Much: They Walk Through Walls


Step 3 in my "5-Step Program to Make America Great Again" is for me to get richer!! That's the truth, folks.  When America was great, my Father was making incredible profits, so we want to make America great again to facilitate those incredible profits, except it'll be for me, not my Father.  It's just a plain fact of life that in America only those individuals with a whole lot of cash have the ability to make real money, and that means me.  You see, making money is essentially a gambler's prospect, but gambler's are infamously stupid, 'cause they never know when to quit.  And that means gamblers lose their backing, their cash. So, y'see, being rich is the only way to mitigate a gambler's bad luck, which is necessary to take advantage of the good luck when it finally comes into play.  That's why I make tremendous amounts of money while the businesses that I run tend to go bankrupt.  It's not my business acumen that makes me rich. It's the portfolio I've got that allows me to screw it to the corporation and the investors willing to back my play.  And since most of them aren't significantly wealthy enough to ride through my string of poor choices and zero motivation, they also bear the burden of those poor choices.  It's a pretty simple system -- so simple in fact, that I didn't even need to go business school to swell my personal value to unprecedented heights.  All I needed was a very wealthy and caring father.  I don't teach these methods at Trump University, something else that makes me very rich when compared to nearly the entire student body.  Who in his right mind trains the competition? This is why I win again and again. So Remember the Great Depression, folks!  'Cause taking ruthless advantage of that horror show is how my Dad became so rich. That's right: The Great Depression. Remember it.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

The Alien is at Your Front Door

Unfortunately Nobody Thought It Was Important Enough to Ask What His Definition of "Great" Is!

I Know . . . I Know!!  It's Pretty Funny, Isn't It?

Well, not funny-ha ha, of course, more like funny-shit! what the hell is that big joshua tree doing right there and how come I'm no longer inside the car doing 110 mph down I-20 and - oh, I get it . . . I'm about to die, is that right?   I'd say so.



Steps 1 and 2 in my "5-Step Program to Make America Great Again" is to make it illegal for women and minorities to vote.  They've abused the privilege, and we should no longer be forced to suffer from their inability to make educated decisions.  We need to go back to doing things the way we did them when America was the greatest country on earth!  We're going to get there again, people - don't you worry!  Remember the Alamo, folks!  That's right ... Remember it.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Ancient Bible Linked to Gray Aliens!

New Dead Sea Scrolls Published!

The First Creation and Where It Went Off the Rails

SPI TEL AVIV, ISRAEL -- In a surprise announcement that was predictably held back until the publication of the two books detailing the discoveries, 25 previously unpublished fragments of the Hebrew Bible that were scattered amongst the original Dead Sea Scrolls discovered in the Qumran caves have ignited debate around the world. Americans, of course, were the first to warn scholars that none of these fragments have been properly authenticated, and merely accepting the claims without voicing doubts would be unwise given the character of other religious finds in the same area.  The thing about Americans is they expect everything to be a fake unless it was discussed by Mom when they were little, or by that lady with the blonde hair who gave us all lessons in Sunday School.

The many scroll fragments that have been recovered record portions of the Bible's earliest books:  Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Samuel, Ruth, Kings, Micah, Nehemiah, Proverbs, Psalms, and Ezekiel, among others. Portions from a previously unknown version of Genesis, recently dubbed Genesis II, have also been found amongst the fragments, and this particular version has lit up church attendance rolls like a spark in a gasoline pit. Some church leaders have gone so far as to suggest that those who attempt to understand this new gospel usually end the day by dressing up like evil clowns and jumping out from the bushes to frighten young children -- young children who believe in God. 


One of the Qumran caves where the
Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered
The Saucerologist offices were stunned yesterday upon having received a personal videophone communication from one of the original Gray Alien Ambassadors, an individual named Repplesmunck Yoleoderff. Regular readers of The Saucerologist will recall that Yoleoderff has been our primary source for a number of important articles, including the breeding program story published last December (for further details please note the article linked to http://saucerologist.blogspot.com/2015/12/starbucks-xmas-controversy-leads-to.html) that discusses the secret application of alien science from which the Republican candidate for President, Donald Trump, is said to have originated. Another recent article that we have published established our great surprise that Yoleoderff had taken the remarkable step to contact our offices to discuss details previously unknown to our staff, points that readers are welcome to look up for themselves (we'll never publish more than one link per article). Our reporters have often contacted the alien for various comments, including his take on a number of issues we were interested in at the time, and we're they shall do so in the future as well. Sometimes he had a statement or a claim to confirm, and sometimes he did not. He was always gracious, however, and never gave any indication that he was angry or uninterested in the topics discussed.

Yesterday, however, Yoleoderff contacted us for only the second time since our incorporation, and our staff was once again startled and greatly surprised that this alien would reach out to us. We were even more so upon discovering the alien's intent and those matters he wished to address. The topic alone -- that being the the publication of previously unknown fragments from the original Dead Sea Scrolls discovered last century in the caves of Qumran -- was surprising in itself. We had no idea that he was interested in our ancient religious artifacts, but he made it immediately clear that the information he wished to pass on was genuinely extraordinary. He wanted to inform us that fragments of the Biblical text that has lately been dubbed Genesis II was also well known on his world.

Most surprising, however, was Yoleoderff's insistence that the primary text of Genesis II was well known centuries before any contact with Earth had been achieved. His people, he claims, were completely unaware of Earth's existence at that time. He was more than helpful, providing a complete account of Genesis II, which his people call "And So It Begins", which can also be translated as "And There It Goes".

Translators especially hired for this occasion by our staff are very clear and completely unanimous in the independent conclusions they have reached:  the fragments discovered at Qumran and the actual alien text provided to The Saucerologist by Yoleoderff are too consistent and far too exact to represent anything at all except the total confirmation by one of the other.

The text provided to us by Ambassador Repplesmunck Yoleoderff is published in its entirety below. It is the first time that this document has ever been published on the planet Earth, and it represents the original basis of the fragments that were finally published late last week. We have taken the liberty to render the text attributed to God in red type, just as the King James Version of our own Bible has done for many generations. According to Yoleoderff, the translation of the text below is exact: 

In the beginning there was Doubt ...

And so to strengthen the Faith of the Children of the Abyss, God on the high mounts created light to cleave through the darkness of Doubt, for knowledge and understanding has always been the path of righteous men, and has always strengthened his Faith in the ways of nature and in the ways of God. Having never seen light, the Children of the Abyss stared in wonderment, but God strode amongst them with a fiery and thunderous voice, scattering them pell and then mell across the face of the world and instructing them, "don't stare at the light, you damn fools!" and they were frightened of the thunder, and opened their eyes even wider than before.

And for an instant, the fear stepped in, for the flashing of the newly created light and of the fiery words of God burned their virginous retinas, and so they fell back amongst themselves, blinded by the coursers of God's lesson. But there followed great wonderment amongst the Children of the Abyss, for they had been given the briefest of glimpses of the whole of Creation as it glittered like a song beneath the light the Lord of Hosts had generated within the creatures of His Abyss.


Two of the scrolls discovered at Qumran
Having been blinded by the light created by God to destroy the Great Doubt they had always known, the Children of the Abyss could only imagine the whole of Creation, and so they described amongst themselves what the briefest flash of light had revealed. Some of them had been gazing at the mountains, and some had been gazing at the seas. Many had been looking upward at the skies, expecting something, but not knowing what. They described Creation to each other and combined what they saw with the descriptions given by other Children. Each tried to convince the others that God loved them best, for God gave them a vision of Creation much greater than that given to the rest. Before long their descriptions had parted ways with the Truth, and the Creation they now imagined was so much greater than the Creation God had originally wrought for their amazement, that God stepped back and thought "verily, each creates for himself what has never been and never will be, and it exceeds My own Creation, the only Creation that truly exists."

And He was a little pissed off at this New Thing that had been created from nothing.

In His anger, but modulated a little bit so no one could ever say with any real certainty that it was a curse or that it was a blessing, God told the Children of the Abyss, "You shall live your lives blinded to what is real and what is unreal. You shall never know what is True, for you are from this day forth separated from the Truth of My Creation." It occurred to some of the Children that God's words were neither a curse nor a blessing, but merely a statement of personal observation, and if the Truth be known, few of the Children could say with any certainty which interpretation was more or less correct than the others, for most heard it not for themselves, but from those others who claimed to have heard the Word with their own ears.

In general, the Children of the Abyss heard very little of the curse or the blessing or the observation, because they were speaking so quickly and so excitedly amongst themselves and to each other, one trying to top the wild speculations and the vivid descriptions of Creation that the other had presented, while another was more interested in making his voice change frequency over many octaves, because he had less verbal creativity but could definitely write a damn decent tune. And the Children grew loud and argued for their own vision of Creation with such falsehood and deception that God brought forth His own anger and told the Children of the Abyss, "Will you please just shut up! There is only one Creation and that is the Creation I alone have brought forth from the Nothingness!"

And the Children replied, "Yes, yes, we know; we saw it for just a quick moment, but it was very beautiful..." and they started up again, one insisting that the beauty he saw was much greater than the beauty the others saw, and then started describing it, but before too long another's description got so much louder that the Children listened to the author of that description for a bit. It was all so decidedly ridiculous that God stood in amazement, looking upon the blind Children of the Abyss as they competed with each other regarding what their briefest of sights had revealed before they fell back blinded for all of eternity. It was all pretty damn amazing, so He just watched them for a bit longer, occasionally gnashing His teeth when He heard something that distressed Him, or made Him angry and sometimes left Him bewildered and confused, for His great Creation was no longer being observed, but everybody was nonetheless talking about it and most often describing aspects of it that were completely wrong.  

"You runts do know that you're now blind as bats, don't you?" He asked the Children of the Abyss, mystified.

"Well, of course we know. We're not stupid. And we all think that You're just the best damn God there is, 'cause you did exactly what you set out to do. You destroyed the Great Doubt forever!"

"No, I didn't," God insisted.

"Yes, You did," the Children replied, shouting "Hooray for God!!"

"You're a bunch of freaking nutbags, you are. All I did was create light, and I blasted it forth across all of Creation, because in the presence of light, you Children could examine Creation and know without Doubt that it is stronger, that it has an internal logic to it, that it can be examined and defined. It is your use of light that was to destroy Doubt, but you didn't even bother to use it. You just got surprised a bit, opened up your baby blues, and destroyed your own goddamned retinas, so now you can't see. And that means you can't examine, you cannot test, you have no means with which to determine the Truth from the false, and that means you've turned into a bunch of pathetic little blind creatures talking amongst yourselves while saying absolutely nothing that makes sense, and you're going to spend the rest of your eternity once again in the dark, surrounded by Doubt, and competing with each other to see who has the loudest, the least likely, and the most ridiculous concept of my great Creation. It's absolutely pathetic!"

"Well, that's just not true," said the youngest of the Children of the Abyss. "Before our retinas burned out -- and I think that's just the coolest name, by the way, retinas -- none of us had the ability to understand your great Creation, because it was just too damn dark to examine it. And in those days, we Doubted everything! We even Doubted You, at times, because we don't know a whole lot about You, except for that meaningless crap about You being the Alpha and the Omega, and that You are, because You are. Not a whole lot there to go on, You know? But of course, You know. You know everything. It's Your shtick, Your thing! But then, You went and gave us a glimpse, just a really short glimpse of all of Your Creation! Now, we didn't get a whole lot of details, but we know that all of us saw a little bit of it, and so, given a little time -- well, mebbe a lot of time -- sooner or later, we'll probably figure it out, just because there's a whole lot of us. And since we know that we'll probably figure it out as long as we discuss it over coffee and cake a few million, billion times, there's nothing to Doubt. It's just a matter of getting from here to there. Savvy?"

"Well, that's just ... that's just ... that's fucking insane!! I didn't create a bunch of idiots! You're the Children of the Abyss!"

"Well, apparently You didn't create Doubt, either, but there it is. You could have just told us what was True and what was false, and that would have gotten rid of Doubt as well, and we would still be able to see, but I guess that solution was just too easy for God to use. Trying to be creative, were you?"

"I am Creation, child."

"And yet, You fail to understand that we, as your Creations, might one day come to have Faith in our own creations."

"Your creations are false. They have no basis in reality. They are words you string along across a field of nothing. They have no structure within the universe I have made for you, and so there is no reality within which you can examine them and perceive the Truth."

"Well, just listen to You. In one breath, You insist that You have made the universe for us, and with the other, You tell us we can't play with it as if it is our own. What else should we do with it? We're all blind, you know. That kind of limits the use that any creature can muster up on demand. Good Lord! Play is all we've got left."

"You're not supposed to play with it, you damn fool! You're supposed to study and learn from it!"

"And given all of eternity, do You seriously believe that's never going to happen? And in any case, You said You wanted to get rid of Doubt."

"I want you to get rid of Doubt using the tools that I have blessed you with."

"Yes, yes, and we're all very thankful for that. In any case, we have actually rid ourselves and our condition of Doubt. We've replaced it with Faith, which, like Truth, is also stronger than Doubt."

"You're supposed to learn Truth, not Faith."


Genesis II an alien document, say Grays
"Well obviously, we thought that we were supposed to get rid of Doubt, not reconstruct Truth. Given the fact that we have no confident means with which to properly examine any or all of Your Creation, it's somewhat remarkable that we have nonetheless done away with the Great Doubt that once percolated so annoyingly amongst Your Children. We've discovered a more creative way to banish the Great Doubt, but only because it is the only way that You have left us. We have no means by which to prove or to gauge what each of us tells the other, and so we must blindly accept what is told to us, just as we must now blindly accept what little we know about the universe that surrounds us. You probably should have explained Your intentions in regard to Truth and Faith just a little better, and You should probably have done so before we blinded ourselves by gazing upon Your Creation."

"It wasn't My Creation that blinded You. It was the Light of God's Word."

"Well, having never seen either one before, how were we supposed to know that? And why does our God now tell us that our Faith is weak and unintentional, and that Truth must be learned, but only under those conditions that are now impossible to achieve? If I remember it correctly, You said, 'And so to strengthen the Faith of the Children of the Abyss, God on the high mounts created light to cleave through the darkness of Doubt, for knowledge and understanding has always been the path of righteous men, and has always strengthened his Faith in the ways of nature and in the ways of God.' Isn't that it?"

"I was trying to be flowery, and a little bit poetic for the sake of future generations."

"That's probably something else You should have explained."

"Yes, probably. There seems to be a great deal of error in my work."

"I wouldn't say error. Let's just say we didn't meet Your full expectations, but now we're doing things in remarkable ways, that You never expected of us, and so You are pleased with Your Creation and with Your Children of the Abyss."

"No. I would call my work 'error prone'. The only thing I need to consider now, is whether or not to erase My great Creation and start over with a new intent and a new cast of characters -- a reboot, if you will."

"So now you're threatening us, because You made some fundamental mistakes? Want us to pull up the line a little? Put the roots down a little closer to each other? Straighten up and fly low or you're going to burn all of us where we stand?"

"No. I've already created a place for that; you would have to be sent there at some point I haven't yet determined. In any case, I'll have to think it through a bit. Might take me awhile, so don't expect much of a hands on approach where you Children are concerned. I have great things to consider."

"Fine ... You go do that. As for us, we're going to go play around with our newly born or newly found Faith. Maybe we'll see if it's possible for us to use our Faith in order to create Doubt."

"What!?"

"Just kidding. You go on and have some fun ..."

And so the Lord God on high went down the mountain a little ways to think things through, and from that day to this, He has neither been seen nor heard.

And before the ending, there was Silence...

This is a Saucer Press International Publication

Monday, August 22, 2016

Attorney General Approves Extradition of Alien Gray American

Eugenics Offenses May Affect U.S. Election

Is Trump God? Or Does He Just Think He Is?

SPI WASHINGTON DC -- The Department of Justice turned the whole nature or nurture argument of human personality on its head today when it approved the extradition of Alien Gray Tuktukleetobon Frijik, an American citizen, to the virtual nation of Zolomon where he will be tried and held accountable by the laws of that nation on several counts of the recently legislated Eugenics Platform laws.  While the United States Department of Justice has wholeheartedly recognized the necessity for enacting such laws governing the secret experimentation by one intelligent species upon another, this is the first case in which an American citizen will be held accountable for illegal acts by another nation.

The subject of the experiments performed by the defendant was Mr. Fred Trump, the father of Republican Presidential Candidate, Donald John Trump. The experiment itself is alleged to have occurred in October 1945, and the happy result, according to the already publicly admitted confessions of the defendant, is Mr. Donald J. Trump himself. The Department of Justice cites the alleged time period in which the eugenics experiment took place as one of the primary reasons the extradition was allowed to proceed. While the United States has enacted several statutes comparable to the Eugenics Platform laws legislated by the virtual nation of Zolomon, those laws that would be best applied to the experiments conducted by Tuktukleetobon Frijik in 1945 include an element not found in the Zolomonian laws: a statute of limitations going back only fifty years, making the prosecution of Mr. Frijik illegal. Republican lawmakers had insisted on the inclusion of such limitations during the final vote to establish the legislation. At the time, they argued that the limitation was necessary because it would allow out nation's legal convictions to proceed "outside of the glare of World War Two," which is still considered by most Americans to represent the period during which the worst eugenics offenses in human history took place. Being one of the oldest known races in the administrative group of galaxies that includes our solar system, and one that considers themselves to be nearly immortal, the Alien Gray race inhabiting the virtual nation of Zolomon cleansed their legal system of such divisive tools as the statute of limitations many millions of years ago shortly after successfully transferring a single consciousness into one of the far more permanent bodies they currently use for travelling to other inhabited planets. 

The prosecution of Mr. Frijik is not the first time
America has had to wrestle with the issue of eugenics.
The specific crimes that the defendant Tuktukleetobon Frijik is being prosecuted for involve the weight of scientific standards, evidence, and procedures that the government of the United States is, to a great degree, unfamiliar with. At the same time, however, the Department of Justice emphasizes that the scientific characterization of the crimes has been accepted as valid by almost all courts of law and systems of judgment in the United States, excluding only that of public opinion. It should be noted, however, that the general public of the United States has already been shown in numerous court cases to be "dangerously ignorant in regard to common science, a quality that is primarily the effect of decades of conservative, Bible Belt America's refusal to educate their children sufficiently enough to utilize the same level of knowledge necessary to be considered competitive throughout the rest of the nation."  This affirmation has already been recognized as a point of order in the case of Tuppence Weatherbottom vs. The State of Kansas, so the lack of understanding noted in regard to public opinion is not considered much of a handicap.

As defined by the Alien Gray scientific community standards protocol, defendant Tuktukleetobon Frijik is accused of "precipitating dangerous personality confabulations" committed during the standard application of spermatozoon integration with a human subject, that subject having been approved for breeding insertion only, a condition very well documented during the patient's inclusion into the breeding program. According to Alien Gray science that has only recently been accepted as conditional to United States law, a "fluctuating protein" was attached by the defendant to the generating spermatozoon gamete, a practice well-documented within the Alien Gray Scientific Archive of Human Research that is currently preserved in the custodial holdings of the Migrant Ascension Clan Head Keeper to enable a specified personality integration to become dominant within the approaching zygote. The procedure in question is not fully understood by the United States legal community, but the effects of this unwarranted personality experiment was considered so egregious and so potentially damaging not only to the family of the subject, but to the entire nation, that the legal doctrine for the case before the court was allowed to proceed, albeit only on the condition that the offender Tuktukleetobon Frijik be tried under judicial restraints outside of the United States' territorial holdings on Earth or elsewhere.

According to the record of pre-trial assessments, the defendant was attempting to cross-breed personalities, a practice not fully recognized by any human scientific communities. According to Alien Gray science, however, personalities are associated with the standard number of chromosomes integrated under species enlightenment chains bound with various proteins to the resulting zygote. The defendant Tuktukleetobon Frijik, however, was not attempting to integrate a known personality to the subject, although that alone would have been illegal in accordance with the recently legislated Eugenics Platform laws of the United States. Frijik was attempting to create a whole new personality standard by attaching an erasure bound protein found primarily in plant life to the fluctuating protein of a human subject, creating thereby a new personality with unique features of its own.

Anticipating the legal and moral issues rising from this case, Attorney General Loretta E. Lynch released the following statement:  "The United States recognizes that the Alien Gray's virtual nation of Zolomon has a great deal more experience prosecuting many of the Eugenics Platform laws that have been enacted by both of our nations. Given that much of the technology utilized by the defendant to carry out his alleged crimes was originally developed by various national interests native to Zolomon, and that said technologies have only recently been shared with the governments of North America, our current administration, under the advisement of the United States Senatorial Science Board, the House of Representatives Migrant Committee, the current Zolomonian ambassador to the United States, the current Migrant Ascension Clan Head Keeper and the U.S. Department of Justice, has determined that our natural inclination to provide the most stable platform for the pursuit of justice necessitates the extradition of Mr. Frijik to the virtual nation of Zolomon. Once his new status has been received and confirmed, he will be tried in accordance with laws already agreed upon and enacted by the representatives of both of our great nations.
 
"No, I swear to you, it's this big!"
"The egregious nature of the crimes allegedly committed by this particular individual are so offensive, and so contrary to the cultural and moral ideals commonly shared by both the Human and the Alien Gray races, that we believe it is supremely necessary to allow an Alien Gray court to prosecute an Alien Gray offender, whether that Alien is an American citizen or not. By doing so, we can more surely guarantee a conviction for direct cause and a means to advance justice without being forced to gamble against the issues rising from this case that may already have had some bearing on the future governing of this great nation."

Attorney General Lynch's reference to the future governing of the United States is the first official word from the Obama Administration recognizing how the scientific advances achieved by the Alien Gray defendant Tuktukleetobon Frijik may have already had some effect on the political environment currently developing in the United States. As regular readers of The Saucerologist are already aware, the current Republican Party candidate for President of the United States, Donald Trump, is himself the fruit of Alien Gray manipulation with the genetic identity of an American citizen (for further details please note the article at  http://saucerologist.blogspot.com/2015/12/starbucks-xmas-controversy-leads-to.html). 

According to sources within the Alien Gray communities on Earth, the Republican candidate for President is not entirely human. "He is a result of my people's ancient attempts to breed a race containing the best qualities of each of our species. Apparently, one of humanity's better qualities is its habitual and oftentimes bitterly pronounced contempt for others.  When that quality is combined with my species' humility and its spiritually-based desire to crush and then wipe-out all opponents to those missions intended to raise the quality of existence for all creatures, the sad result is exactly what you see here:  the assumed grandeur of the divine, and the eventual assumption of God-hood."

Our source for the story was very quick to point out that the end-products of the Alien Gray's breeding program were not truly divine. "There's no such thing as divinity!  No, these individuals were delusional as a result of the inherent psychological contradictions that came about when the better qualities of my species and the better qualities of your species were intermingled within a single host.  And even then you have to figure in the almost typical chromosome disintegration that often took place.  I can promise you, though, that there was no real divinity, only their belief in divinity." Given Trump's and the GOP's secondary target this election season (the primary target, of course, being the Democrat's candidate for President, Hillary Clinton), it is somewhat ironic that the Great Prophet Muhammad was a product of the very same breeding program that produced Donald Trump. Proving that the Alien Gray's are not entirely immune to the aesthetic effects of irony, one of the original Gray Alien Ambassadors, an individual named Repplesmunck Yoleoderff, who was also our primary source for the breeding program story published last December, noted that, "The Great Prophet was a much better and more accomplished public speaker than your Donald Trump could ever be, but as qualities shared do tend to balance out in the long run, it would be unfair of us not to point out that although Trump may have less personal charisma than the Great Prophet, he tends to have a far greater and more pronounced ability to offend people who have never met him, including the entity you refer to as 'Allah'". The Saucerologist must state with some conviction that we are not always 100% certain when Ambassador Yoleoderff is being sincere and when he is joking.

"Check out that tie! Do I have
great taste or what?"
In regard to the breeding program referred to in Attorney General Lynch's statement, it should be pointed out that the defendant Tuktukleetobon Frijik is not being tried for actions he committed in service to the Alien Gray's breeding program, which was essentially approved as a legal condition experiment over three-thousand years ago. Although the Department of Justice has, and will continue to object to any Eugenics Platform experimentation upon human beings by other intelligent races, the breeding program has only been officially censured, and is still considered a legal act, albeit one that good manners and inter-species protocol forced the Alien Grays to discontinue under extreme hiatus in 1959.

One of the reasons that defendant Frijik's experiment is considered so egregiously offensive is because it has placed the burden of his acts onto the people of the United States.  The subject of his experiment was born and raised with the unique advantages of monetary affluence without familial affection, and is now the Republican Party's 2016 candidate for the Presidency of the United States: Mr. Donald John Trump. Being the first of his kind, a political creature possessed of the delusional belief in its own unique divinity with a personality created by the criminal mind of the defendant, Tuktukleetobon Frijik, the American people have been forced to consider what effect this man may have as President of the United States, the most powerful single position in the entire world, a resolution to the American political process that is more akin to a sad and repellent dystopian future than the validated and anticipated forging of a great nation's will, a characteristic that America's citizenry have always believed these expressions of the united voice to be.

"Yeah, that's right, God; You took my
job so I'm coming after you next!"
It is commonly believed that the erasure bound protein the defendant Frijik is accused of attaching to the fluctuating protein generated within the spermatozoon gamete of Fred Trump, Donald Trump's natural father, is very likely the cause behind Trump's unstructured yet incapable personality and the flaws associated with such a personality. It's natural to conclude, as many Americans do, that Donald Trump may lack the mental capacity and the physical stamina to serve as President of the United States due to the experiments allegedly conducted by the Alien Gray defendant Tuktukleetobon Frijik during his consummation as enacted by his natural parents.

Although the scientific communities in the United States are uncertain what effect the many different erasure bound proteins may have on human personality standards, the defendant Tuktukleetobon Frijik has already admitted that the source of the proteins used to achieve the personality profile clothing the mind of Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump was the common American smooth-leafed, firm-headed green cabbage. As such, it behooves the American people to consider author Ambrose Bierce's definition of cabbage:  "A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head."

That's right. This child of two humans is part human, part Alien Gray, and part cabbage; oh, and the cabbage part is the only part of him that's been proven to be American.

This is a Saucer Press International Publication