China's Lunar Coverage Reveals Startling Anomalies

2-Dimensional Life Forms Discovered on the Moon!
U.S. Astronaut: "I Saw Mickey Mouse!"

SPI BEIJING – High-resolution, true color photos of the moon's surface purportedly revealing evidence of previously unencountered lifeforms that were allegedly taken by cameras aboard China's Chang'e-3 lunar lander and rover were released today by the Earth Science Evaluation Committee (ESEC).  According to the ESEC press release, the photos were retrieved from the original RAW data signals sent by the Chang'e-3's unmanned lunar probe, the Yutu, or "Jade Rabbit," and were not part of the mission's photo sets that the China National Space Administration has made widely available on its website.

The four photographs have been compared to photo-sets released earlier this month by the China National Space Administration, and there is no doubt that the newly released photographs are part of the original data-sets.  They differ only in one respect: ESEC's newly released photographs show what seem to be moderately well known, although not especially popular, cartoon characters that have been publicly mortified by some form of physical deformation.  The changes undertaken by these figures are so particularly instantaneous between the frames, that the only explanation, according to ESEC member and UFO photography specialist Robert Hastings of Albuquerque, New Mexico, is that these figures represent a previously unknown lifeform that can only express physicality in two dimensions.  Such a lifeform has never been discovered in the history of all known life on this little blue planet, making Hastings' theory an especially controversial one.

"I think my record speaks for itself, but for all those naysayers out there, I'd like to point out that I received a Bachelor of Fine Arts undergraduate degree in Photography from Ohio University in 1972, a very prestigious university.  In addition, I was a photographic technician at Northern Illinois University for eight years, so I think I know what I'm talking about.  That's right.  Go Huskies."

Hastings was later awarded a certificate in Materials Science Applications from San Joaquin Delta College in Stockton, California, following which he was employed by Philips Semiconductors as a laboratory analyst.  "As an ESEC associate, I'm a de facto scientist, so I think I know better."  ESEC is a group of researchers and scientists formed to re-evaluate the application of human science with the intent of discovering non-human interference with the otherwise natural progression of life on Earth.

The photos that ESEC has released seem to depict the distorted figures of cartoon characters Snagglepuss, a Hanna-Barbera creation originally unveiled in 1959, and Smurfette, a female character in the Belgian comic and television franchise, The Smurfs, originally created in 1958.  Upon being asked why such lifeforms would adopt the guise of cartoon characters, Hastings noted that "The creation of these animated characters in 1958 and 1959 seems too coincidental to ignore.  1958 was the first of a three year trough in UFO sightings, meaning the number of yearly sightings was at a minimum, so maybe these aliens assumed that with such familiar faces as those of Snagglepuss and Smurfette, they could afford not to visit us as often.  But, who knows?  They're aliens.

"What's remarkable, however, is the fact that even during this trough, the quality and the character of the UFO reports were consistent with those reports made during periods of alien excess.  This continuity suggests that valid UFO reports had, for some unknown reason, become an unexpected rarity, a condition easily accounted for if we assume that UFOs possess elements of two-dimensionality that were first acquired in 1958.  Such a quality would quite naturally prove itself to be extremely rare, since a two-dimensional lifeform would be invisible most of the time.  Being on a plane, a two-dimensional plane, not an airplane, it could only be seen from a perpendicular point-of-view, which means fewer UFO witnesses and therefore fewer UFO reports.  That could account for the trough.

"We also shouldn't ignore the evident distortion of the figures.  I think this factor alone proves the two-dimensional character of these lifeforms.  Such distortions would be typical of the instability a two-dimensional figure would project into our three-dimensional fold."

The apparent adoption of cartoon characters Snagglepuss and Smurfette for their visible form proved to be somewhat more difficult for Hastings to explain.  "As far as Snagglepuss goes, this character was actually televised, so it may be possible that the form adopted has some relation to human thought -- a kind of psychic measuring stick, if you will, because so many millions of Americans were familiar with the form.  It's difficult to know, because we're only examining one side of the discussion. Maybe they just liked the vibrant pink coloring to the character's fur.  Maybe they like it when Snagglepuss would cry out 'Heavens to Murgatroyd!'.  I always did.

"I honestly don't know the answer here.  We're not even looking at the characters in the same way.  The Smurfs, for instance, were created in 1958, but they certainly didn't appear on television so quickly; they were comic book characters for the most part, so we'd have to conceive a theory that takes all of this into account -- not an easy task, I assure you.  As scientists, we at ESEC have to take all of the encounters' qualities and conduct an analysis that explains everything.  This is something skeptics will only rarely do.  They immediately jump at what they believe is the simplest explanation, and ignore everything else.  It's a very disconcerting way to reach conclusions, and one that real scientists try not to apply so egregiously to their own analyses.  For example, a skeptic would immediately assume the whole thing is a ridiculous hoax, merely because a hoax would satisfy every question that he asks, including why in God's name are they taking the form of cartoon characters?  Unfortunately, when you jump at the hoax explanation, you're neglecting the primary impetus to the case:  the witness.  A skeptic assumes the witness is either lying or mistaken, and that goes against a minimum of 60-years’ worth of honest, responsible, and detail-driven witnesses who have been repeatedly proven to be accurate and careful reporters.  The scientist has take all of this into account:  what have past witnesses been like, are UFO witnesses generally honest, have past accounts of UFOs been accurate as a rule? When you ignore what 60-years worth of witnesses have meant to the spirit of the endeavor, you're taking the low road to a worthless conclusion.  That's not science.  Science requires us to look at every variable to the equation, and the generally accurate and well-intentioned character of UFO witnesses going back to Roswell is part of that equation.  If it was discovered that most witnesses were dishonest and irresponsible, we'd be forced to accept those grounds as well, but history tells us differently.  We can accept as fact the proposition that UFO witnesses are very rarely going to lie to you about those things that they've seen and experienced. That's how we know that their stories, and the things they've witnessed are, for the most part, true and accurate.

"Look, this is exactly the same way that we determine the guilty party in a criminal case.  A jury will always accept as truthful and accurate the story that the victim tells them from the witness box.  As a general rule, we can accept that the victim will almost always tell us the truth, and juries act on that common principle.  Contrariwise, juries are very much aware that an accused criminal has every intention of lying to them in order to avoid the punishment that society has reserved for those who break society's laws.  Juries have always understood that, which is why they trust the victim and doubt the accused. That's how science works. You have to look at everything, and that includes behavior in the historical sense.

Now as far as these two-dimensional creatures on the moon are concerned, we have no historic record to rely on, which makes it somewhat difficult.  We do, however, have the photographs, and we understand the physicality of our universe, which helps us to reach valid conclusions.  As a result of this, we can say that the photographs prove the dimensional aspect of the claims being addressed, and we can prove the esoteric character of the identities these creatures seem to have adopted, and recognize it as a probable form of communication.  That's really a very great deal compared to the examinations conducted by skeptics.  Due to our use of science, we possess far more knowledge to base our suspicions on.  That's what science does -- it opens up the entire universe before us, allowing us thereby to read the cues that God has provided, and to determine for ourselves the truth behind the claims being made.  Are we going to know everything? No.  But we're getting closer to knowing and understanding everything every day.  That's quite an achievement."

Heavens to Murgatroyd!

An unexpected albeit partial confirmation of the claims expressed by Hastings were logged world wide only a few hours after ESEC's initial press release.  Richard M. Dolan, well known American author of "UFOs and the National Security State: Chronology of a Cover-up 1941-1973", released a statement from a national press liaison service that he has utilized in the past that was remarkable primarily for the fact that the events he describes occurred a couple of years ago.  Not usually so reticent to discuss such matters, Dolan insists that he had made a vow to himself that he "would never discuss these events unless something tremendous occurred of a type and significance so positive and doubtless as to grant these claims immediate viability.  It is my belief," Dolan's statement continues, "that the photographs and the theory Robert Hastings has given voice to meet all of the requirements I addressed only to myself so many months ago." Since making that statement, Dolan has been interviewed by a number of journalists, including representatives of "The Saucerologist", and the following paragraphs are taken primarily from these interviews. 

Dolan has proven himself to be remarkably astute and far more capable than most men at finding the one person among many dozens of eyewitnesses who alone was able to notice the squadron of fiery flying saucers hiding within the one little cloud floating against the wind above military testing grounds, or attending a missile systems event, or recording the political stumping of the American election process, thereby enabling him to focus on and reveal the national UFO conspiracy that all of those professional and much better educated journalists completely missed.  He finds the decades-old military memorandums from World War Two with the odd little references to events in the 1970s that do not prove the lie behind the veil, but the reality behind time travel, which in turn point at the flying saucer conspiracies that made time travel necessary. Dolan has, in fact, made himself irreplaceable to American UFOlogy by the simple expedient of believing everything he's told, even when doing so would shame a man of Adam Sandler's simple naivete.

The story that Dolan was told in reference to Robert Hastings' most recent theories, however, was apparently so shocking and so effortlessly unbelievable that until this week, it had represented, for Dolan, the line in the sand that he could never cross -- not without the kind of heavy support and plausibility that Hastings' claims so obviously possess.  And the tale Richard Dolan has staked his reputation on, thereby putting at risking his well known integrity, his honesty, and that exceptional level of high strangeness ethics so rarely encountered outside of a McDonald's television commercial is indeed an unbelievable one -- at least it would be without the highly credible and courageous reporting of UFOlogy scientist and intellectual pioneer Robert Hastings. "The story that I was told came directly from American astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell, a man highly esteemed amongst his very few peers for his honesty and his faith."  

In addition to Richard M. Dolan's measured confirmation of Hastings' claims, a partially corroborating statement was released by radio host Art Bell in regard to part of a conversation that apparently took place, yet was never confirmed, following his broadcast interview with an engineer by the name of Vito Saccheri, whose firm had done some work for NASA in Houston, Texas. Mr. Art Bell has often proven that he possesses a happy talent for using the English language to communicate with more than one person as long as they initiate the conversation from a few miles away and he doesn't have to look at them.

Dr. Edgar Mitchell, on the other hand, was a far more interesting source, being the Lunar Module Pilot on Apollo 14.  He spent two days on the moon with astronaut Alan Shepard aboard the Lunar Module "Antares" in February 1971. From among all of the astronauts manning the Apollo missions, Mitchell and Shepard walked on foot the farthest distance across the moon's surface; they spent 33 hours on the moon, representing the most time spent on the lunar surface; they were also the first pilots to utilize the shortened lunar orbit rendezvous techniques, and the first astronauts to use color television with the new and technologically groundbreaking Vidicon tube on the moon.  Always on the cusp of human endeavor, Dr. Mitchell was the sixth human being to ever walk on the Moon.  

Tragically, on February 4, 2016, exactly 45-years after his first approach to the moon, Dr. Edgar Mitchell passed away at the age of 85.  A true American hero, Dr. Mitchell advanced in insurmountable ways the scientific tradition, the peaceful aggression, the unconditional pride, and the world-wide reputation of American exclusivity in a world that has grown cynical, weary, and angry over American political hegemony.

Author Richard M. Dolan was just as surprised by the revelations expressed to him by astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell as the rest of the world is today. "About two years ago, I was given the opportunity to meet this great man by a couple of lawyers who worked exclusively for my publisher.  Don't ask me for their names, because I have no intention of divulging that.  If they ever choose to come forward, they can certainly do so, but I won't bring unwanted attention to them, their families, or my publisher -- and that's final, so don't even ask. I don't think it would adds much to the narrative in any case. Personally, I was so stunned by both the content and the assumed context of Mitchell's claims, that I didn't consider anything even remotely related to the invitation that brought me there until it was time for all of us to go.

"Anyway, Dr. Mitchell and I met at an outdoor barbecue, and I shook his hand, introduced myself, and that was it.  I don't force my attentions on people, and he was certainly very well aware of my interests; if he wanted to talk to me, he could easily do so. After all, I was enjoying the cookout, and I had no reason to make myself scarce. It was at somebody's lakeside home with a big yard, lot of property. I'm not going to say who held it either.  If they want to come forward themselves, they can do so on their own dime.  In any case, I was just taking it easy a bit.  I watched some volleyball, I had a few too many beers, and I was very relaxed, something I was thankful for at the time.  Once the sun went down, some folks left, while others went inside, but I was sitting at a table and picking at leftovers, and had no preconceived expectations for the rest of the evening, except that I'd be leaving when the two gentlemen who invited me left, and one of them was still on the lake with the far too young daughter of another guest, which I maybe shouldn't be mentioning, since they were friends and all.  I was probably the only one who thought she was too young, 'cause nobody else was paying her that much attention, which was when Dr. Mitchell sat down next to me chewing on a stick of beef jerkey that I later found he made himself out of alligator tail. He said he was familiar with my work, and expressed some surprise that I hadn't tried to ask him any questions, or attempt to strike up a conversation. Apparently he had a lot of stuff to say about UFOs at one time or another, and I guess he expected a pop quiz or some such thing.

"I told him, 'I don't work that way, sir,' and he smiled and said that in itself was a rare thing. He'd had a few drinks, or so I thought, 'cause he was quiet but with a somewhat bothered expression on his face.  And he turned to me and said, 'I want to tell you about the strangest thing I've ever seen in my life, and I'm not very certain why, but eventually somebody else ought to know.'  Well we hemmed and hawed a bit; he made me promise not to ever tell anybody about it while he was still alive, and recommended I not tell anybody about it until someone else confirms it, because, and I swear, these are his exact words: 'I don't know even to this day whether what I saw was typical for other astronauts or not, but it was certainly real for me, and I've never been one to hallucinate. In addition, what I saw was on the moon, so you can imagine how my senses were on fire, because I didn't want to forget or misremember anything, and it was full color fantastic!  I made a concerted effort to remember everything in very exact detail.  Y'see, not many people have had the same opportunities that I've had, and I didn't want to forget any details whatsoever.  I kind of felt duty bound.'  Those were his exact words, exactly as I wrote them down five minutes later, because I didn't want to forget anything either.  

"It was actually a pretty short conversation -- he spoke two sentences, then he smiled, and said he was going to get some iced tea.  He stood up, and looked me right in the eye, took a quick bite of his alligator tail beef jerkey and said 'I'm an old man, Mr. Dolan, and I have no intention of ever discussing this matter again with anybody.  But it happened; every word I told you was true.'  He smiled again, said it was nice to meet me, and walked into the house.

"Well, what he said shook me, and like I said, it was only two sentences and they were delivered quick: 'when I was on the moon -- and this is God's honest truth -- I saw Mickey Mouse walking up out of this crater, a little distorted and awkward, but I knew exactly what I was lookin' at.  About the same size as a real mouse, but changeable, Mickey focused on me, looked me right in the eye, turned just a bit from his shoulders, and then disappeared, like something you see in your peripheral vision that vanishes as soon as you try to center your full attention on it.'  And then he took a last sip from a well nurtured bottle of beer, smiled at me one last time, and walked away.  He never mentioned it again -- at least not to me.

In light of Robert Hastings' recent announcements, I would recommend that people make up their own minds regarding this admission.  And yes, I'm very much aware that telling people to make up their own minds in regard to a second-hand admission is hardly helpful, involving, as it does, the single most attractive topic in human history for hoaxers, frauds, liars, and pretty much anybody wanting to see their name published in newspapers, magazines, and discussed on scary, interview radio, but -- well, it's Mickey Mouse on the moon, and he's by far the most famous and beloved mouse in American history.  Believe me, I sincerely want you to trust my word when it comes to accusations of a government conspiracy to keep secret the most important news in all of history, but that doesn't mean you should consider every sentence with a UFO in it as the Word of God.  Now I'm a UFO expert and even I don't know what to think of this.  A lot of you might think I shouldn't be talking about things as true if I don't know that it's true, and that's one way to look at it.  I don't see things that way, in black and white, or as true or false.  If someone tells me something and says that it's fact, whether I believe him or not isn't relevant.  It's my duty to write about it as if it's true. Otherwise, I'm just treating the source with contempt, and I'm not that kind of guy.  I trust everybody -- if I didn't, I wouldn't be much of a reporter, would I?

Have a Smurfy Day!

"But it's also important to remember that we're talking about creatures with names like Snagglepuss, Smurfette, Mickey Mouse and Robert Hastings."

It was shortly after Richard Dolan released his first statement, that Mr. Art Bell, famed radio host of numerous discussion format shows that are primarily about topics involving the supernatural or claims regarding UFOs, weird and fanciful conspiracies, cryptozoology, and similar subjects of high strangeness, released a statement of his own that contains some corroborating yet nonetheless unconfirmed remarks. He stated that he had once interviewed a gentleman named Vito Saccheri who was an engineer in Houston, Texas.  Vito Saccheri had made a number of claims beginning in 1995 that involved an allegedly secret cache of NASA photographs proving that there were numerous UFOs and alien-built structures and buildings on the moon.  Bell is not normally the type of man who would make statements that tend to reflect poorly on the credibility of his guests. He refrains from discussing, for instance, the often easily determined proof that claims made by some of his guests are to a great extent lies or misstatements made to curry favor with the infamously gullible members of his audience, this purposeful approach enabling his guests to publicize their newly released DVDs, upcoming documentaries, or books that they have for sale -- all of which are often fictitious, yet discussed as if they were factual.  It's therefore out of character for him to state, as he did in this instance, that Saccheri's claims were at the time dismissed to a great extent due to many such comments of his having been proven without an iota of doubt to be lies or misstatements of the sort commonly addressed but never discussed on other episodes of his show. Without assessing any other claims by Vito Saccheri, he insisted that after his interview with the Houston engineer, Saccheri told him in confidence that one of the astronauts, who was unnamed, had made the insistent claim that "he actually saw cartoon characters on the lunar surface.  I figured he was joking around, 'cause we both laughed our asses off."

Mr. Art Bell refrained from qualifying the claim made to him as Richard Dolan had, a reaction commonly expected, yet nonetheless considered as evidence of Vito Saccheri's good faith and easily addressed credibility by members of Bell's general audience, one in three of whom will come down with a case of shingles sometime in the span of their life. Because if you've had chickenpox, you already have the virus for shingles floating around in your bloodstream.

It should be mentioned for the benefit of UFO theorists, that although China has a long history of constructive animation -- one broken only by the many restrictions enforced between 1966, with the onset of the Cultural Revolution, and the 1990s, with the implementation of a socialist market economy -- no animated characters originating in China have been observed on the lunar surface.  In addition, other than the recent mission achieved by China's Chang'e-3 lunar lander and rover, only the United States and Russia have ever landed on the moon. 

Two additional robotic missions over the next two years have been planned by China, one of which intends to explore the far side of the moon, the alleged location of at least two bases currently manned by hundreds of extra-terrestrial personnel, the majority of which are suspected to be Gray Aliens from the Zeta Reticuli star-system. Repplesmunck Yoleoderff, a regular respondent to email queries or telephone calls from the "The Saucerologist", stated that there are no Alien Grays on the far side of the moon. "That's just a rumor, one that was probably started soon after NASA's Apollo missions definitively proved that there are no Alien Grays, let alone a manned base, anywhere on the side of the moon facing Earth. 

"The fact is, too many UFOlogists have too much invested in claims of an alien lunar presence.  Since UFOlogists alone have been making these claims, and have been doing so for decades, the alien lunar presence is very much associated with UFOlogy's always wavering, never very strong credibility. 

"Many UFOlogists also believe that the moon is primarily an American territory established as such during the Apollo 11 lunar mission.  Unfortunately, the territorial imperative inherent to this belief was established without reliance on formal title, thereby making the issue a political one.  They insist that an alien presence is akin to that of squatters, who make claims of ownership by virtue of occupation.  In such a case, the possessor of real property without title may eventually gain such title by occupying said property -- in this case the moon.  It's just a paranoid dream, really."

Yoleoderff, one of the original Gray Alien Ambassadors to Earth, is currently aboard the Alien dock of the International Space Station for his annual dark matter recalibration stigmata.  He asserts that any real presence of alien life on the moon must have established itself within the bounds of great secrecy.  "My people know absolutely nothing about lifeforms occupying the moon.  Frankly, we're somewhat doubtful that the evidence offered gives any indication that this is, indeed, the case.  On the other hand, if such life does exist and is primarily limited to the second dimension, its appearance or any indication of its activities in the third dimension would not only reveal great instability, which to some extent we've seen here, it would also be extremely rare, which would tend to explain why the only evidence of its existence was noted nearly 50-years and a number of additional missions with increasing amounts of data collected after the Apollo 11 mission first put a man on the moon." 

This is a Saucer Press International Publication