Sunday, November 1, 2015

Regressive Hypnosis Therapy Links Alien Abduction to Ceremonial Rape

It was a "Small Price to Pay" Claims Author

SPI NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - After recently undergoing a series of regressive hypnosis sessions described as "aggressive," UFO researcher and alleged alien abductee, Robert Salas, released this morning an account that for the first time definitively links the alien abduction experience with far more common accounts of child sexual abuse committed for ceremonial purposes by an organized community of Satan worshipping pedophiles.  Regressive hypnosis has been responsible for assisting those undergoing such treatments to recover lost memories of alien abduction in their youth, and of childhood sexual abuse inflicted in the course of ceremonies conducted by well-organized groups of Satan worshippers, but this is the first time these two categories of recovered memories have been publically linked within the mind of a single individual.  "I believe that this association proves without any doubt whatsoever that the total number of alien abductions in the world today is far, far higher than anybody has ever suspected," insists Salas.

Robert Salas stuns worldwide
UFO proponent community.
Abduction witness and UFO expert Whitley Strieber unexpectedly confirmed Salas' account this afternoon during a joint press conference with Salas.  "It's kind of an embarrassing thing to admit, especially given that my own experiences have occurred so consistently and frequently throughout my entire life.  I mean, they even include my son now.  On the other hand, if we expect people to believe that our transformative accounts of these incidents are true, than I suppose we have to be completely honest about all aspects of this phenomenon, even when some of those aspects seem a bit distasteful the first time you hear about them.

"Personally, I never thought much about the connection between alien abductions and the massive number of cases involving the ceremonial rape of children by Satan worshippers.  From my point of view, the kind of normally well-protected childhood virginity that we're talking about was a small price to pay for the experience that was granted in turn.  I mean, good God, man, we got to ride in a fucking flying saucer!  And those things are seriously cool!"

Robert Salas added, "In a world where Bruce [Caitlyn] Jenner's sexual explorations are considered heroic, I don't see any reason why our own experiences shouldn't be examined within the very same context.  True, we're not giving up our sexual identity, but we've also sacrificed a lot more than that -- and some of us, like Whitley, here, have even put their own kids on the same firing line.  That's how I see it, anyway.  And I believe strongly that there are probably a whole lot more people out there who have been keeping their own accounts a secret, because they're a little embarrassed by the sexual aspects of it all.  By telling the world the whole truth about these alien abductions, we're showing them that there's nothing to be afraid of, that they can come dancing right out of the closet about the whole thing and it'll be okay."

"It's not a sin," insists Strieber.
"There's nothing intrinsically wrong about all of this," added Strieber.  "And just like with Bruce [Caitlyn] Jenner, what we went through, and what many of us are still going through today, could be considered equally heroic.  It's not a sin to be flattered into a sexual relationship with a dry skinned, gray colored alien from another star system, is it?  I don't think the Bible says anything at all about sex with those little gray 3rd sexers looking over your shoulder.  I mean you can't hardly even feel it, and it's absolutely not forbidden in the Bible at all.  And I know, 'cause I've looked for it!  Nothing about 3rd sexers in there at all.  Not even in Deuteronomy, and I'm the only guy I know who's actually read the whole thing.  Of course, I don't get out as much as I used to."

Robert Salas made it clear that he agreed with Strieber that there was nothing inherently sinful in the act.  "The Bible says nothing about a physical, sexual relationship with a 3rd sexer from Zeta Reticuli -- nothing at all.  I think it talks about a man lying with animals, but I don't know of any animals who would willingly give you a tour of a flying saucer that they managed to build against every known law of physics right after offering you a couple of Kleenex to polish up your backside, so I don't think you can rightfully call them animals.  The truth is, I know more than a few men who seem more like animals than any Gray Alien I've ever met.  And I've met more than a few of them, too.  Nope, Whitley is absolutely right.  Sex with a Gray Alien is not a sinful, prohibited act."

"Of course, that whole Satan worship thing probably isn't looked on too favorably," added Strieber.  "Maybe with the Catholics.  It's hard to figure them out sometimes.  Or the Mormons.  I know they consider themselves to be Christian, but does anybody else?"

Public reaction to the joint statement has yet to be properly gauged, but those witnessing the conference agree that the public is unlikely to gather in their defense in the same manner the public reacted to the revelations so courageously affirmed by Caitlyn Jenner.  Upon being asked for her reaction to the announcement, Caitlyn Jenner's response was immediate:  "I've never heard of anything so disgusting in my entire life.  Those guys are going to burn in Hell."

This is a Saucer Press International Publication.


  1. My uncle was bodyguard to President Truman and he and Harry went to site after viewing material at Andrews AFB.

    1. I hope he wasn't a Satanist -- I have enough of those guys mad at me for outing their connection to the Gray Threat. I used to eat lunch with a teenager who worked at the Andrews AFB Thrift Shop in 1998, and he told me the same story about Truman. He never said anything about the aliens being a bunch of Satan worshipping pedophiles, though. It doesn't matter how nice they seem on the outside; on the inside they're all bad news.

      Bad news and weirdly shaped organs.

      All the best,


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