Thursday, October 29, 2015

Gray Aliens Under Fire by Republicans

Ted Cruz Announces GOP Efforts to "Get the Gray Out of Government"

SPI WASHINGTON, DC - At least one participant in the GOP Presidential debates has focused his efforts for defeating the Democrats on the only coalition of voters in American history to have ever voted for Democrat candidates 100% of the time:  the Alien Grays originating in the Zeta Reticuli star-system.

Ted Cruz, Republican Senator from Texas and Presidential hopeful, is angry that the American media has ignored his efforts to create a political issue around the influence Alien Grays are rumored to have in the Washington, DC social milieu primarily occupied by those closely affiliated with the Obama administration.  "It has become more than apparent that we can't trust the media to report the news that's important to us.  That's why I've been forced to organize a GOP blue-ribbon committee to 'Get the Gray Out of Government.'  This is an issue that Americans are sadly ignorant of, and it's largely due to the media's complete silence in regard to this matter, a silence that I believe is the result of the Alien Grays' tendency to vote Democrat in all elections!  They vote in blocs of 100%, a habit I believe is the direct result of their ability -- an ability many Democrats insist does not exist -- to communicate great distances via extra-sensory perception, a mind-to-mind ability that nobody else in American politics can possibly take any firm advantage of!

"Let me be very clear about this so even those socialists at the New York Times can understand:  we don't want the Grays to be represented in government at all!  They don't think like us, they aren't concerned with matters that all good Americans should be concerned with, and they don't give a hot damn about the future of this country!"

When asked to comment on rumors currently circulating the Beltway and surrounding areas that the Alien Grays have been successfully teaching select Democrats, including both President Obama and Democrat front-runner Hillary Clinton, how to communicate mind-to-mind in complete silence, Senator Cruz angrily demanded, "How about we discuss substantive issues instead of these pathetic little rumors?"

We don't want the Grays to be
represented in government at all!
The "substantive issues" the Presidential hopeful wants America to focus on is not, however, entirely free of Alien Gray influence.  Senator Cruz made it clear that he had some concerns regarding those aliens who are born in the United States, and are, for that reason, American citizens confirmed by Constitutional decree.  "The 14th Amendment to the Constitution is no longer applicable to the needs and desires of true Americans, and it absolutely has to be replaced.  The founders of this great nation were very much aware that the future would bring about challenges that had never been faced before, and that's why they made it possible for future Americans to change the Constitution when it becomes necessary for them to do so.  The 'Gray Threat' is one of those challenges, and a change in the Constitution is now necessary.  Let me be very clear so nobody in this great nation misunderstands my intent:  we need to repeal the 14th Amendment.  We need to get rid of that ridiculous and unnecessary definition of an American that stipulates birth in this country as the only quality, the only necessity, that guarantees American citizenship."

The Texas Senator eventually found it necessary to put a more reasonable face on his most recent proposal.  "My friends, we need to look at this matter as an opportunity, not a political chore.  This isn't something Americans should be afraid of!  We should see it as a means to redefine the measuring stick that we use when we seek to affirm America's place in the world today!  We don't need the un-human presence to make America a better country, so why should we recognize members of the un-human presence as American citizens simply because of some accidental birth on American soil?  Let me add that this should be understood as a huge bonus that we can take advantage of in order to fashion the future of our America in ways that most Americans have not yet conceived.

"I promise you that if we determine that the accidental birth of those who define an un-human presence is not sufficient in and of itself to assume the bestowal of citizenship upon that un-human presence, I don't see any reason why we shouldn't reach the same conclusion in regard to those who seek to steal proper citizenship by using illegal immigration as the means to do so!

"I don't see any reason why we shouldn't reach the same conclusion in regard to a homosexual foreign man who seeks to steal proper citizenship by paying a poor Mexican-American man to marry him! 

"I don't see any reason why we shouldn't reach the same conclusion in regard to those without decent and reasonable liquid assets who seek to burden America by wasting their citizenship as members of the Democrat's welfare state! 

"I don't see any reason why we shouldn't reach the same conclusion in regard to those with genetic deficiencies who seek to burden America by forcing taxpayers to foot the bill for the care that their own families have refused to grant them! 

"The Democrats want to empty our prisons, and toss all those drug addicts and pedophiles off at the bus stop in front of your favorite 7-11!  Well, I intend to propose that we toss a whole new class of criminal into the prisons where they clearly belong -- a class of prisoner who illegally immigrated here from Zeta Reticuli! 

"We need to repeal the 14th Amendment and redefine what an American is today!  Why should we be forced to rely on the definition of an 'American' that was established in 1868?  The conditions today are completely different and the definition of an American in 1868 is no longer applicable to America in 2015!  In a world where a pregnant Alien Gray, her husband and her 3rd Sexer can take a twenty minute afternoon flight from Zeta Reticuli, crash land in some poor New Mexican farmer's back yard and spit out a couple of cute, little gray babies who are going to reach their biological voting age in about twenty-nine months as predetermined by a Democrat voting bloc in the very same Act of Congress that gave us Obama-Care, than any definition of an American citizen that relies solely on 'all persons born or naturalized in the United States,' is, as far as I'm concerned, nothing short of moral treason!  And that is not good, people, not good at all.

We need to repeal the 14th Amendment
and redefine what an American is today!
"When members of the 'Gray Threat' are simply assumed to be American citizens with all the rights of American citizens due to the accident of their birth on American soil, or even worse, the calculation of their birth on American soil, then it is high time for us to establish a new definition in regard to what constitutes an American in the 21st century!"

Upon being asked to respond to Senator Cruz's comments, Democrat candidate and Presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton stated, "Whenever I hear someone from the Great State of Texas start to discuss their proposed national policy regarding how best to contain the threat of Americans with genetic deficiencies, I can't help but wonder why they can't be a little more honest to the voters by running under some fascist ticket instead of as a Republican.
"Frankly, I'd really like to know why it is that the voters in Texas are so willing to consider matters regarding what an American is supposed to be like as discussed and promulgated by a man who clearly judges the worth of an American by the political party he or she supports.  If he really believes that's the only worthwhile measure of a man, I suspect Senator Cruz is going to be cruelly misused on election day, and very disappointed come the following morning."

This is a Saucer Press International Publication.

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