Wednesday, May 4, 2016

New Mummified Alien Discovered by Jaimie Maussan

Cinco de Mayo Will Never Be the Same

The Dogon Tribe Was Right!

Self-esteem is a fleeting pleasure
That normal men can scarce endure
For in that time by which we measure
What’s come is gone & can be no more

We at The Saucerologist thought it would be a happy reach out to our great friends to the south if we recognize one of the true legends of UFOlogy, Jaimie Maussan, during the blessed celebration of Cinco de Mayo. This is a day forever embedded in the history of Mexico, a date forever honoring that nation's defense of its desire to refrain from paying its rightful debts if the money can be better spent on something more immediately amusing. On Cinco de Mayo (May 5) in 1862, a somewhat surprising tradition involving tequila, fireworks, and flags was born when Mexico defeated the greedy French who had come to demand payment of debts owed. They promptly met the Mexican forces near Puebla, where the 6,000-man French army was roundly defeated by a Mexican army of only 2,000 souls, each of whom was forced to carry his own ruck sack of black velvet pillows! They were unprepared, and untrained, and they kicked some serious French CENSORED-DELETED! Oh, Yeah! And so it goes . . . 

Alien corpse raises Maussan's 
reputation once again - WOOF!
While France's defeat was far from being a major strategic victory for Mexico, within 150 years its anniversary would come to represent an unconditional morale booster that all Americans can enjoy without the guilty feelings that possess those who are forced to turn back hundreds of Mexican sightseers and vacationers at the U.S.-Mexican border, where sightseeing is only pleasurable for a few short minutes, and the vacation is quickly cancelled before anybody can even hit the beach.  The Saucerologist is convinced that this day of celebration should also be used to honor the many scientific and endlessly fascinating contributions to the world's store of knowledge that were originally proposed somewhere in the mind of star UFOlogist Jaimie Maussan, Mexico's favorite son under the sun.

It's pure coincidence that this holiday has also been selected by Jaimie Maussan to reveal another unprecedented find:  the body of an alien murdered thousands of years ago, possibly by another alien. "I was absolutely stunned," Maussan declared.  I've studied the Dogon tribe for decades, but it was primarily an intellectual exercise based in weird yet treasured translations. I never dreamed I would actually discover a mummified member of the race that taught the earliest Dogon everything it knows about astronomy, including elements that were impossible for the Dogon to learn on their own, such as the details of a two-sun system that can't be seen at all from Earth," he added. "They spoke to me, in the inner language of galactic love, and said to me, we love you! WOOF!" Apparently they howled, and it sounded just like Allen Ginsberg, except without all the pink amphetamines.  Sit, Fido.

Artist's impression of
the Dogon's alien master 
"According to the Dogon, these extraterrestrial teachers came from the Dog Star to offer them extensive training in the Humanities, which was pretty damn ironic, in my opinion. This is also where the Dogon derived its tribal name, which can be translated as 'Servants of the Dog Masters'." Maussan has, in fact, been able to scientifically conceive through the use of magical complacency, which is the best kind of complacency, most of those characteristics that are very likely typical of this alien race. "See the noble bearing inherent to its species? Observe...  It's immediately apparent that these creatures, these beings, from whatever star they call home, are also amazingly similar to the creature that today we call the chupacabra. The resemblance is so remarkable that it would not be surprising at all if the chupacabra was once an alien that had necessarily de-evolved on Earth because of the primitive yet functional environment, becoming almost animalistic in nature, thereby explaining its primitive defensive tactics in the face of an organized hunt that was frightened of witchcraft and the purple skies it faced so far from home -- and from homemakers who granted them civilization but stole their blood. The chupacabra was an honest killer. It took their blood but gave nothing in return, which is why that name is still remembered, while the Dogon have been forgotten by all but the dreamers and the artists who speak in whispers of saucers."

The Saucerologist applauds Jaimie Maussan, and admires his extraterrestrial find -- a find that can't be refuted at any level. "This extravagant body was seemingly created to refute skeptics and debunkers, because it's been so ideal as a reservoir of scientific truth. Examine its bearing and its poise -- the delicacy of its face, and the dark alabaster of its ears and hands. The sad skeptics can't possibly insist that this find also represents a mummified child", Maussan insists. "It looks nothing at all like a child! This alien creature is so obviously a creature born in the shadows of deep space, and as such it doesn't even suggest the literary brilliance of my earlier find, although I find that it's still well worth the standards of the $5,000.00 acclaim to those who can prove to my satisfaction the falseness of my satisfaction. Watch how nobly it stands, and how gracious it walks alone in the pretty twilight in mute testimony. I have no doubts at all that this wickedly spotless controversy -- like all of my spotless controversies -- will continue to exist in this sadly misunderstood world exactly, I say, exactly as long as the profits do,"

This is a Saucer Press International Publication 

No comments:

Post a Comment

We do not tolerate organized disinformation on this website. If your response meets the qualifications typical of disinformation as classified by the Department of Public Safety under the Stanford Protocol conditions of 1997, your name, email address, and any associated URLs will be archived on our Disinformation-Conspiracy Listing which is published and retained as a public service for no less than four years. The Disinformation-Conspiracy Listing is available to the public without charge upon request.

Please note: if your name, email address, or associated URLs have been added to the Disinformation-Conspiracy Listing Archive at any time in the past, your request for further access to the archive will be ignored on the grounds that you are already familiar with its contents.